she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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