Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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