Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
