I wish they made helmets for livers.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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