Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
