I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
