its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
a search helicopter?!
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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