I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
