Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
