I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
