I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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