you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
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Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
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I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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