Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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