i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!