I wish I could teleport
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.