we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle