Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
