..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
