I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
