My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
