i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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