i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
