I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
