just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
