This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
