he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
is this the sara with the beer cane?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
