I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
