Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
