I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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