my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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