so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
