i just sent this text using only my big toe
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Randomize
