Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
