No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
