did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I have tasted many bathrooms
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
