Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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