her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
either way he was missing a nipple.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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