It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
