then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
