I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
