There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
