his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I love having hate sex.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
