I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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