Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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