also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
