He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
