I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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