we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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