I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
