is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
