He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
