I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
