my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
being pregnant is like rehab
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
