I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.