i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.