Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava