I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
