I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
