Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
