Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
