Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
