I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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