This girl is more easily done than said...
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
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