I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
