It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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