I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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