PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
