omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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