piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
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you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
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Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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