Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
