The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Randomize
