So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
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her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
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I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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