I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
